SMP testimonial - Sadie McKenzie, SMP participant

"I was diagnosed with depression at the age of nine, but received no treatment. My childhood was devastated by a condition that neither me nor my mother understood. My teenage years were very painful and confusing. I felt different to other people and unprepared for adult life. I believed that I deserved the feelings of fear, guilt and hopelessness that stalked me. I was overwhelmed by negativity and the stigma that other people attach to mental illness. I refused to admit to that I was depressed. I trained to be a Mental Health professional but never achieved any job satisfaction, I felt empty inside. I was earning a lot of money, but happiness eluded me.

"I hoped that other people could make me ‘better‘. But I found relationships very difficult because I didn’t know how to relate to others without giving them too much of myself and getting hurt. I allowed them to take me for granted. My fragile self-esteem was crushed by an abusive marriage and many unhealthy friendships. I retreated into self-imposed isolation and loneliness. I didn’t want a future if it meant more pain and sadness. I was in a very dark place, an emotional prison. I really believed that depression was a life sentence from which there was no escape. I was ready to give up on life and myself....

"Then a flicker of hope broke through the darkness. My GP (who is very supportive and understanding, with an interest in Mental Health) told me about a seven week self-management course for people with depression. As usual I was sceptical and reluctant. Could a lifetime of unhappiness be turned around in seven weeks? What if I tried it and nothing changed? What would the other people on the course be like? Did I really want to change? I automatically thought of a million reasons why I should stay in that dark place. But my GP’s gentle encouragement convinced me that I deserved another chance at life.

"The SMP course helped me to take control of my depression by becoming more informed about it. I learnt how to identify the things that made my depression worse and to focus on those that made me feel better. I realised that my negative thoughts influenced the way I felt and that, with practice, I could break this cycle. The support of the facilitators and other group members enabled me to face my problems by setting myself realistic weekly goals and action plans. I gradually gained the confidence to step out of the darkness and saw that my future needn’t be overshadowed by depression. I re-evaluated my relationships and my expectations of others and myself. Now I understand the importance of developing a reliable support network and working with my GP to improve my quality of life. Asking for help isn’t a weakness. It’s an opportunity to take responsibility for my health.

"The skills I learnt on the course are now part of my everyday life and have had unexpected benefits; I am going back to university; I have a new partner and plan to start a small business. Best of all I feel optimistic for the first time in my life. Self-management worked for me. I took the plunge when I was at my lowest and invested seven weeks of my time on the SMP. The confidence and independence I feel now is pure profit."

Sadie McKenzie, SMP participant